audrizzle

I don't think I have posted a picture of myself for a while, and since this is such an excellent picture of me I thought "Hey, why not?"

Note that the picture is blurry not because I couldn't hold the camera still, but because I am in constant motion. Yep, constant motion.

Also note: very creative title, no?

Oh boy. Back in New York Methodist Hospital ER. It's my... third time here since 9/19. Yay!

It's like my second home... I sure wish I'd chosen a better second home.

Anyway, I made the mistake of driving here. I had to park at 4:30 AM and I parked in a spot that was only good until 7 AM, and since it is in front of a school I know they would tow me (that is where I was towed from last month) so I left at 6:30 AM to repark the car, promising I'd return. I hunted around for fifteen minutes and with no luck I decided to just pay for parking. Which is about $7 an hour :(

Anyway, on my way back I saw them prepping at La Bagel Delight and I really wanted to stop in and get some hot chocolate (this hospital does not have blankets!) and food but someone told a story once...

A girl went there to get lunch. She could only afford her sandwich and chips, no drink, so as she was paying she asked the clerk for a cup of water. The response: "Ma'am, we sell water, we don't give it away."

I understand the policy, but there is absolutely no reason for that kind of attitude. Excuse me, but don't you work in the SERVICE industry?

Anyway, I think I may have lost my job. If so, that will be five jobs lost within one year. Impressive, eh?

Look at this positively: maybe I'm a total idiot for losing all these jobs, BUT, how many people ace that many job interviews? I mean people are on unemployment for MONTHS, but I am always able to get a job, despite my sketchy record and lack of any type of credentials or qualifications. Do those words mean the same thing? I don't know, I dropped out of college! Twice!

Anyway, I'm here because I ran out of Cymbalta on Friday. This weekend I just slept a lot but then Sunday I started thinking about my funeral and crying a lot and watching Taxi Driver and listening to Elliott Smith. I also started feeling sick, which is a bad sign, as the withdrawal for this stuff is supposed to be really bad, as bad or worse than that of Effexor. When I got off of that, even when tapering I had to be put in detox. They had to give me shots to keep me from throwing up. And before that, whew, I was throwing up all over the place. Thank god I was in a hospital setting for that.

Anyway. When I got into the hospital I was falling apart, crying, having trouble breathing, etc., but now I am totally fine. As I told one of the nurses most of the time I'm okay, but little things will create a big drop for me. He said "like what?" and I said, "oh, just thinking about, for example... my dad." So of course then I start crying. Thanks a lot, jerk male nurse.

Oh no! CNN says Twitter is for terrorists!
Of course this comes out less than a week after I join.

Anyway, this hospital clearly has a liberal bias, all their TVs are showing CNN.

Anyway. Since I wasn't paying attention to the elections in '96 and earlier, this is kind of exciting: an election where I feel pretty confident that I know the outcome. And what will that e, who will be our next president? Well, I'm not telling, HAH!
Too bad, the rest of you have to wait.

I am just really bored. Already did the crossword puzzle for today, already broke into the pantry (just bread and protein drinks today), already gave up on using the bathroom. That's what sucks the most, I actually kind of have to pee now. Usually I can drink like two gallons without going, because Cymbalta is also used to treat urinary incontinence! How awesome is that!?

Blaaaah. Well I'm going to post this and hope that dang psychiatrist gets here soon.

OH!!!! Did you notice that this page is like brand new? I totally redid it. Awesome, right?

Also interesting: apparently most young people think the war and the economy are the two biggest political issues in regards to the election. Personally, my biggest issue is abortion. I mean, I care about the war and the economy as well, but not quite as much. I guess it's because I see the possibility of myself getting pregnant to be a very serious "issue". I don't know how to explain. But if one thing would ruin or end my life, it would be me having a baby.

Gawd. I've been here 3 hours. So much for waiting less by coming in the middle of the night.

Ok seriously, this is it. Goodnight for now!

But also seriously, check out the links up top. Some new stuff!

My mom just emailed me this video (god knows why she emailed me at all) and I think it's not funny at all. I've never really been into physical humor that much. Except facial expressions, some people have the best facial expressions (Will Ferrell in Elf? I can't think of any more right now).

Anyway, last night I went to see Equus on Broadway. It's playing in the Broadhurst theater, which is technically on 44th street, but it still counts as a Broadway play, so HAH.
Quick note: I just remembered, my favorite movie is Being John Malkovich and there's a scene where John gets into a cab and has the driver take him to... the Broadhurst Theater.
I'm not sure if I recall correctly but it seemed like in the movie there was daylight coming through windows of the theater, but I don't think that's possible. The movie was shot in LA, anyway. Personally I think it's so weird that they would SPECIFICALLY set a movie in NYC when it could just as easily have been set where the filming actually happens, which is LA. Although I guess the New Jersey Turnpike does play a somewhat prominent role in the film.
Sorry that note wasn't very "quick".

Anyway. Before the play we went to dinner at a place called Chez Josephine. Stereotypical overpriced stuff: 4 pieces of asparagus and 2 pieces of bacon as an appetizer was $9. For dinner I had "Amish Chicken" which wasn't really explained, and which was supposed to include cranberries but didn't. Oh well, it was still good.
It had the skin on it, and to be honest i haven't had chicken with the skin on it in a LONG time, and I forgot how much I love chicken skin. MMM! For some reason that doesn't sound like the right term... "chicken skin"... but oh well.
Then for dessert I had like... strawberry crepe cakes or something, the volume of which would be around the size of a half of a lemon, though much less dense. I also split some "chocolate heaven" with Dave, which was a little cone of mousse about an inch and a half high. Both of these desserts were nearly $10. We also had 2 Manhattans ($11 each) and split a $44 bottle of wine. Basically I ended up paying $200 for dinner.

But really, I don't mind. It was a great place and the food was great, and since (like most overpriced NYC restaurants) the portions were small I was able to finish everything (and of course I made Dave finish all of his as well).

Anyway, we then went to see the play across the street. The Broadhurst theater is definitely smaller than the Keating Center (the theater at my high school) was, though it did have an upper (and lower) level. We were seated in the last row on the upper level.

The sets were minimal. And when I say minimal, I mean nonexistent. There were four rectangular blocks that they moved around the stage and rotated to be long-side up or lay "flat," if that makes any sense.

The costumes weren't anything exciting, and I really wasn't that moved by the acting. One thing that struck me, though, was that they changed the script: In Shaffer's original script, at the beginning when Alan Strang's only form of communication is singing advertising jingles, he sings the "Double Mint Gum" song. But in the Broadway version he sang a song about "Milky Bar," which I have never heard of. It kind of upset me, because when we did a reading of Equus at my high school and I was reading the part of Strang, I had to sing the "Double Mint" song and I felt like an idiot and like I didn't have a clue how to do it. So I thought it would be interesting to see Radcliffe do it. But, alas, no luck.

Anyway, maybe the reason the technical/aesthetic aspects of the play didn't have much of an effect on me was because of how hard the subject hit me. I mean, I remembered that it was a dialogue between a young man and a psychiatrist, and a little about the subject of discussion, but I forgot about the "clinical" setting of it all.
I guess normally this wouldn't have bothered me TOO much, but as I have been on the verge of having myself committed for the last couple weeks, I really was upset by it.

I guess I was jealous. Strang's character really believed everything he did and thought, and it was other people who saw what he was doing was wrong and that he needed help. I guess the thing is that I know that I have problems, and no one here knows me enough to know that I have problems or to even care. The thing is, if I ever tell anyone I'm mentally ill, they say "oh, well everyone is." Well, how many of them have been forced to spend more than a year (cumulatively) in institutions? How many of them are plagued every moment by their thoughts?

I mean, I believe the things that happen in my mind. I believe sometimes that I am almost god-like, and other times I think I'm the most disgusting, basest, pathetic being on the planet. And not even pathetic, I don't deserve anyone's pity. And I feel like it's all my fault. Like, I should be able to function just as well as anyone else, but I'm a terrible, lazy, egotistical piece of trash who just thinks she's too good for anyone else. I mean, it is all my fault, isn't it? Not to mention all the lying and cheating and stealing. I think the only thing I'm not guilty of is being angry and mean to other people. I just push it all onto myself.

Anyway. One thing that bothered me was how a lot of the story focused on the psychiatrist and his own personal existential crisis. I mean, what. Think of all you have, man. People around you are suffering. How can you focus on your own minor grievances?
And that's how I feel toward myself a lot of the time. I think I got lucky getting money this spring. I mean I am lucky in a lot of ways, but very ungrateful. My mom was right in disowning me.

I mean, the thing is, how could anyone who would read this think I'm anything but a sane and reasonable person? If I can write so well, why shouldn't I be able to hold down a job? People who haven't gotten second grade grammar down -let alone a decent grasp of the English language- can hold down jobs and support myself. Doesn't it just mean I'm lazy?

I just don't get it. Whenever I get a job and then give up on it I just tell myself it's because I wasn't the right job, if I had a really great job that I loved it would work out fine. That it's time to start anew, and really look for a great job, and be serious about it. But the thing is, every time I get a new job I really love it to death. So maybe I need to fix myself first, before I actually find THE job I want in life and screw it up. I see screwing something up as very likely, that's something I'm definitely good at.

Anyway.

After the play Dave and I crossed the street and went to Sardi's which is apparently very famous. He dropped some name so we got to sit in the main area when everyone else who wasn't "somebody" was being seated upstairs. Pretty cool, rite? Dave said this guy sitting a few tables away from us was an actor but I didn't recognize him.
Anyway, we had a couple glasses of port (about 2 ounces each, $14 each) and some more tiny overpriced desserts.

Anyway. Overall, I'd say it was a great night. I had a really fun time even though I spent almost $400 (I paid since it was Dave's birthday present). I guess I've just been brainwashed to think about money a whole lot. I mean, I know I have. But I still know how to pay for something worth paying for. When we came to NYC with my dad 9 or 10 years ago we saw an off-off-off broadway musical that really wasn't worth seeing, and we ate at all the stupid chain restaurants.
Again, that's something I can't stand about manhattan. TGIF, Olive Garden, Applebee's, Red Lobster... all in times square. Who goes to Times Square to eat at some place they could eat at back in Podunk, KY? I just wrote "KY" because making up a state abbreviation seemed dumb.

Wow, there's a commercial for the Grand Prospect Hall on TV right now (which is a block down the street from me, literally) and it looks really cool on the inside. Too bad I'm not getting married (hah). They shot an episode of Gossip Girls there a couple weeks ago, ISN'T THAT AWESOME!? I LOVE GOSSIP GIRLS no I'm just kidding.

Okay, I am watching "Road House" right now, because when it was on last night Dave made us turn it off. I have never seen it but Dave said it's a movie white trash guys jack off to. What I don't get is how all these "hot" women end up with such lame dudes. But i guess it's pretty slim pickin's. Oh come on, Firefox, that isn't misspelled, don't do the whole red-dot-underline. Haha, it also red-dot-underlined "firefox" when it wasn't capitalized. Guess they want their respect.
Haha! He just punched somebody and the guy's face already had blood on it before he hit him!

Man, if two guys get in a fight and beat each other up so bad they both need to go to the hospital, do they go to the hospital together? That would be funny.

Anyway, I think I'm done with this post. As with all my posts, congratulations for making it to the end.

There is some campaign going on with Yoplait called "Save Lids to Save Lives" where you send in the pink lids from your Yoplait yogurt and for each lid they receive, they will donate 10 cents to breast cancer research.

Now, I find this a little ridiculous. Why are they making it the responsibility of the customer to send in the lids? Why couldn't they just make it so that for every container of Yoplait that is bought they donate 10 cents? I mean, I know Yoplait is a girly yogurt but my dad used to buy it all the time (he may still buy it, I don't know) when I was living with him, and he'd never eat it so it would expire. Once, when cleaning out the fridge, I had to throw away over thirty cartons of expired yogurt. Literally, I counted. The thing about my dad is, he buys healthy food in hopes that he'll eat healthier, but I guess when he's at home he would rather eat something else. Anyway. If the promotion was going on then, and Yoplait was donating per carton bought, not per lid sent in (or if I had removed the lids of the rotten yogurt and mailed them in), that would be $3.00 going to Susan G. Komen for the Cure®.

Obviously, $3 is not a whole lot, but my dad can't be the only person wasting yogurt.

Also, here is another point. Let's say someone is mailing in their lids in a plain envelope with one stamp on it.
First of all, though minimal, there is the cost of the envelope.
A search on Staples turns up a 100 pack of envelopes for $8.49. So, basically, that's $.08 cents for an envelope.
And stamps right now? $.42.
So just the mailing alone is going to cost $.50, the equivalent of 5 Yoplait lids.
And think about all the people who just throw away the lids?
I would throw them away.
Why doesn't Yoplait just donate $.10 for each carton of yogurt that they sell?

It kind of reminds me of FreeRice.com. If you haven't been to that site, basically for every trivia question you answer they will donate 10 grains of rice to people who need rice.
I think it kind of sounds like bullshit, but the point is, if they've got the rice, why would they wait for us to answer trivia questions to donate it?

So, this is an open suggestion to Yoplait! You should just donate money to the Susan G. Komen foundation regardless of whether or not people send in their yogurt lids. Please! You're holding us hostage!

(Also: I have considered that the foil that the lids are made out of could earn money when recycled, but I really doubt that it's worth it for people to even open the envelopes. Not that people shouldn't recycle! I just think it's a really stupid idea for Yoplait to be asking for all the lids back.)

That's it for now.

I think I should aim at doing frequent somewhat-short posts rather than rare and rambling posts.

Why is this in "missed connections"?

On the night of the election an egregious insect was misinformed in my
kitchen. In the mouth of the morning there was still a dream about a
girl. I had swallowed a multivitamin and trapped the dream under a
jar. It once held, as the results came in, maraschino cherries. The
girl and the insect got in a fight. I voted for the girl but the
insect was a tiny, ravenous machine.

Oh god.
HELLO MY DARLING - m4w
You seriously have to check this out while it's still on craigslist. This is not worth missing.

I am so bored! I hate that i can't find ways to be un-bored without being un-healthy.
I'm so sick of thinking "healthy" and "unhealthy", okay and not-okay. It's just dave (angelus)'s voice in my head judging every movement I make.

Also, here are some interesting things I thought of today.
When I was a child, I used to lie all the time.
In some children's book about airplanes or something, I scribbled "FUCK YOU" over all the pages and lied about it. I can't have been older than 5 or 6. And I lied about it.
Around that time as well I used to steal pencils all the time from other students in school.
And it wasn't like the awesome "Yikes!" pencils, I specifically remember stealing one of those boring orange-yellow wood pencils that had "NADINE" penned into the side. And when confronted about it?
I lied, of course. I said that I had written NADINE on it. Why I would inscribe on my pencil the name of the girl who sat next to me in second grade, I have no idea.
Also, another time I wrote PENIS on a lot of papers and put them in a box for a board game in after school care. Lied about that too.

See, what's interesting to me is that I know why I lie now. I'm lazy, I'm greedy, and I don't think it will hurt anyone. Or, I don't care if it will hurt anyone. But why would I lie at that age?
I mean, I'd say when it comes to mental illness most of the "behavior" type things I see as gained by "nurture"... so how could I have been "nurtured" at such a young age to cause these behaviors? I mean most of the things that I think of as causes to problems in my adult life happened to me between the ages of like 7-14.

My mom said I was diagnosed with Oppositional Defiant Disorder when I was 3.
She also said my first sentence was "No mommy I make the rules."
I think she is a liar. But even if I WAS diagnosed with that, isn't there a problem that my mother was taking me to psychiatrists or doctors like that at age 3?

Plus, my sister would have been brand new when I was 3, so wouldn't I be rightfully pissed off about her presence, and the plummet in the amount of attention I received? And I know there was a drop in that, because I can strongly remember that and how it only got worse over the years.

I really go crazy about the past.
I can't tell you how much free space I would have if I could let go of the past. I mean, every couple of years or so I go and get rid of half of my old stuff. This spring I got rid of all my old school notes, worksheets, and handouts. Well, most of the handouts. I kept all my essays and written assignments. And of course my yearbooks, and my old artwork, and all my notes my friends wrote me. And a few I wrote them that never got delivered.

And I can't throw away anything from Angelus. It all has the "mark" of Adam. I still have the chore charts I made. I don't think he was on any of them, if he was it was maybe one or two. I can't remember when I started, but I do know my last day was Feb. 10th.


High times.

Everyone says that Adam's demise was due to his lying. And I guess it was, if he had told the truth he wouldn't have killed himself, not then anyway. I looked him up in the birthday book: July 14: The Day of the Convincing Storyteller.
Too convincing, unfortunately.

I couldn't really read the whole article. I haven't gotten really sad about Adam in at least a month. I think about him a lot, but I don't get really depressed about him all that often anymore.

What is weird is that it used to be like a constant abrasion, endless grating pain, but now it's just some very sharp stabs once in a while.

I guess what scares me the most is that I might end up like him. I mean, I lie. I still lie, all the time. But why do I do it? Why did Adam do it?
The other concern I have is that I'm not thinking about consequences in the future. If something doesn't happen soon, I won't be able to pay the rent. And then what? I mean, I don't even have the "drive" to sell my car (hah)... How would I ever get my shit together enough to sell my belongings or whatever to actually pay the rent? Should I just end up on the street?
I think deep down I'm just assuming that I'll end up killing myself before it gets that bad so I don't really have to "worry" too much.

"Black and white thinking" used to be a problem for me. Now it's pretty much all black.

PS - I think the reason I don't really do any art anymore is I have no one to show it to, and I think I'm pretty worthless myself so I feel like there's no point.

I'll end on a positive note.

I freaking LOVE Ned Flanders.

So. This is how it's going to work. I really need to make a To-Do list, and I also want to write. A little.

The plan I have come up with is this: For each item I wrote on the to-do list, I will be able to blog for 3 minutes.
1) Call Valerie P.

Subject 1: The Debate.
So, tonight I watched the debate. It was kind of interesting but boring for the most part. I don't know if it's because I'm not a "wordy" type person or whatever, but I can't remember much the candidates said, mostly just their affects.
John McCain seems kind of ... squirrely, weasely.
He just seemed like he was nervous and like he wasn't ready, and like he was reading from a pre-prepared list of answers, regardless of whether or not they matched the questions.
Obama I liked because he seemed calm, collected, pensive, but not worried. Like he had generally thought about these issues before.
McCain seemed like the kid who showed up for the test without studying and Obama seemed like he actually knew the "material."
BEEP! Time's up. Subject 1 closed.

2) Call Andrew T. at St. Luke's

Subject 2: Bank of America.
I am really sick of Bank of America talking about how AMAZING their CD rates are on TV. Put your money away for six or nine months and earn a 2.75% APY!
That's so stupid. Put your money in an HSBC online savings account and earn 3.25% APY AND have access to your dough at any time.
HSBC's rate isn't the best now, this summer it was like 3.75% and when I originally got the account in the summer of 2006, the APY was 5.05%! Doubtful I'll ever see anything that good again.
Also: E*Trade has these commercials on TV about having a really high APY on their online savings account... 3.30%. Not bad.
These rates fluctuate all the time and I gather there are people who make a living (or used to) by switching money around into whichever bank had the highest APY at the moment.
I would love it if that was all I had to do to earn money.
But it's not, and TOO BAD!
I guess my one comfort is that right now, NOBODY has any money. Hah! Life has not changed at all for me since this whole crisis happened.
Anyway, the only reason I use BoA is because it's the only bank that I know of that has branches and ATMS in all the 4 states I've lived in.
BEEP! Time long up. Subject 2 closed.

3) Go to DMV and get NY license.

Subject 3: Driving troubles.
This to-do shouldn't even count, because I'm NOT going to do it (not in the near near future anyway), they close before I get out of work. But maybe I could go next Thursday since I can't work then, but yeah right, like I'd get up early for anything.
So I've still got a Connecticut license. To get a NY license you have to have a non-suspended/revoked license that was issued at least 6 months ago.
This spring when I lost my license, they had to re-issue it. So, even though I originally got my driver's license in Connecticut January 31, 2007, the date of issue on the license I have now says April 16, 2008. So, even though I moved to NY in June, I was unable to get a license here.
Tomorrow (I guess today, actually) will be 6 months, though, since that date of issue, so I can go get a NY license now.
Well, I would be able to, except my license is almost definitely suspended in CT.
See, they have this thing in Connecticut where if you get 2 moving violations within a 3 year period, you are required to take a 4-hour operator retraining class. If you don't take the class within 60 days, your license gets suspended. At which point you have to pay $125 AND you still have to take the class (which costs $60) to get your license reinstated (I know all of this because, sadly, at a former job I used to schedule people for these classes). (Not to mention at LEAST $500 in tickets, not sure what the late fees for those are...)
Considering that I received 2 moving violations in Connecticut in the first 2 weeks of June, I'd say my license is suspended by now.
The thing is, I was having my Connecticut mail forwarded to my address in Bed-Stuy. When my roommate there crapped out on me, I found out it would be almost impossible to circumvent that address and have the Connecticut mail forwarded to my new Park Slope address. Well, it was doable, but I was lazy and figured I didn't really want to hear from the Connecticut DMV about my license being suspended.
BEEP! Time's Up! Subject 3 to be continued...

4) Go back to Car Star Plus

Subject 3 Continued: Driving Troubles Part II
Did I mention I also got into two accidents in June?
Anyway. My car insurance expired at the end of August and it would have cost $800 a month to renew it. So I didn't.
Then in September my car got towed. Unfortunately, you can't get it back without ... proof of insurance. So I went to the library and got Esurance (giving them a different address in Connecticut so the cost was less), printed out the temporary proof and went to go pick my car up. I was lazy, though, and waited way too long before getting it. So I had to pay $545 to get the car back.
And surprise! Damaged.
So I took it to this auto body shop and got it all fixed up, pretty as new, and when I fill out the paperwork I'm going to mail the city of New York and try and get reimbursed for the costs of damages that came about during towing.
Anyway. I got the car back on Thursday.
And then I fscked it up on Sunday. Can you believe it? I pretty much don't deserve to have a driver's license.
The damage isn't bad, it just needs a tiny bit of paint on the driver's side door, but I still feel like a total idiot.
AND THEN, to make matters worse, birds crapped all over it!
I have to remember to move it tomorrow morning or it might get towed again. Or I'll get a ticket. I must have between 5 and 10 unpaid parking tickets in NYC.
Basically, I need to sell my car.
BEEP! Time's Up! Subject 3 Closed.

5) Call Opti-Care and get glasses/contacts prescription.

Subject 4: Disability.
If you're applying for disability, you have to go to all these meetings and hearings and interviews and stuff. And they're really adamant about you not missing them. This is kind of stupid, I think. If you're disabled and can't go to work, how the hell are you supposed to go to these appointments? Isn't that a little ridiculous? Couldn't you just arrive and then they say, "Well, since you were able to get here on time, clearly you would be able to go to a job and work. Denied!"
Out of ideas for this subject. Subject 4 closed.

6) Call Dad

7) Ask Off for 10/23 2 pm appointment.

Subject 5: Confusion
I got a little appointment reminder for this, so I didn't bother writing it down. However, on this page in my notebook next to some other stuff is a note that says "Oct 23 9-4 M-F." Which makes me worry. What was I supposed to do that day? Close to that note is the name and number of the hospital the appointment is at, and the hospital is open 9-4, but when i wrote that (in the same pen as the date) I didn't have the 10/23 appointment yet.
So I'm wondering if this is an unrelated note and what the hell am I supposed to be doing on 10/23?

Etc. etc. etc.

Anyway, the list goes to ELEVEN!

My goal is to get at least 3 done tomorrow.

In closing: I was going to post this thing I read on the underside of a snapple bottle cap about how Penguins have an organ on their head that converts salt water into fresh water so they can drink it. BUT, being a good little reporter, I decided to look for more information.
The Supraorbital Gland...

Contrary to popular belief, the gland does not directly convert saltwater to freshwater. (it removes salt from the bloodstream)

Thank you, Wikipedia!

The weird thing is it says the salt liquid is excreted through the beak (like a runny nose) or sneezed, which I think is interesting because... if you have a stuffy nose, and you're a human, what do you sometimes spray in your nose? Saline solution!
So basically we could take it right from the penguins' beaks and put it right into our own noses!
I'm not suggesting that we do that.
Here is a picture of a penguin to keep you entertained:


Oh, and I'm going to mention the WEIRDEST thing ever now. Today, at work, I said "How goes it?" to the guy making pizza. He was like "What? How goes what? What?" ... He had never heard that phrase before. Then I said to the counter guy "Hey, explain 'how goes it' to him, he doesn't get it," and the counter guy said "What does that mean?"

ISN'T THAT CRAZY? I never would have imagined people don't know what that means. I mean, clearly some phrases/words are colloquialisms, but I would think "How goes it?" is kind of universal.

Anyway, I guess I'm pretty much done for now.

PS - Root for the Phillies, because my roommate loves them and will be unhappy if they lose the series.

So, I was just getting dressed for work and I opened my sock drawer. The first pair of socks I grabbed were some "irregular" faux gold-toe ankle socks from Marshall's. I thought "Man, i hate these socks, I don't want to wear them," and I grabbed a different pair.
As I sat down to sock up, I realized, "Wait a second, that's kind of dumb. Once I put my shoes on I can't feel my socks anymore, so why does it matter which ones I wear? Why do I care?"
So, why DO I care? Any ideas?
I guess people (i.e. Amanda) pick stupid things to care about.

Guys: You should look up your birthdays in "The Secret Language of Birthdays" because it's great, and totally right on. Just google the book title and then your birthday, it's easy. or google the book title and the name of someone who has your birthday, that works too (i did it with Charles Manson)

Anyway, here's mine.

November Twelfth
The Day of Sensual Charisma

Sensuality and magnetic attraction are central themes in the lives of November 12 people: sensuality expressed in their own physical makeup or the works they are involved in producing; magnetism demonstrated in family life, secret love relationships, or in their career or social circle.

Exceptional or highly talented November 12 people must be extremely careful about misusing ego drives. Their capacity to work "miracles" in everyday situations wins them adulation, and in some cases, places them in a godlike position in their admirers' eyes. Such worship can foster sociopathic tendencies in those born on this day. On the other hand, morally evolved November 12 people of all abilities can use their powers in the service of bringing beauty and enlightenment to those around them. Most November 12 people have an integrity and devotion to their work that imbues their persona with a singular grace. Those November 12 people with public careers may become a highly positive political force.

The conflict between golden qualities, on the one hand, and dark characteristics, on the other, is often at work in November 12 people, and both sides may in fact be entwined through their lives. However, it is also possible that a November 12 person will show a marked decay from a promising golden youth to a dark adulthood. Those born on this day face a great personal challenge in getting a handle on their wilder energies, which involves knowing themselves better and perhaps dedicating themselves to a worthwhile cause of some kind.

The creation or appreciation of beauty in all its forms is the overriding interest of November 12 people, whether it be found in beautiful children, art, home environment, bodily form or just an outright sensuality. However, behind this impulse toward the beautiful is something even more basic, and that is the force of magnetic attraction itself which so irresistibly propels a November 12 person along. It is in the red-hot crucible of their soul that impersonal dark forces rework and mold sensuous images which get projected out on the world and become at once their heaven and their hell.

Life, therefore, is not always easy for November 12 people. Tragedy and misfortune can unaccountably plague them between days, weeks or even years of ecstatic happiness and thrilling experiences. Again, the key to their balancing their lives and getting a grip on their powers is self-knowledge. If they can only appreciate how fully what materializes around them is a product of their own character, own up to moral responsibilities and take their lives in hand in an ethical fashion, they will be able to cope with negative energies which seem to invariably come their way. If not, they will be largely at the mercy of forces beyond their control.

Strengths:
Magnetic - Seductive - Attractive

Weaknesses:
Heavy - Addictive - Troubled


I think it's pretty much dead on. Dead on. Applied directly to the foredead.
HAHAHAHAAA