Audrizzle

WormSpit.com

I never knew I cared about silk worms or moths or anything like that, but this stuff is incredible. I love it!

I spent most of today going through every page of this website, and I'm still working on it now.

Very photo-intensive, and not too flashy. To the point!

Anyway, Blogger is apparently getting rid of FTP access next month, which is ridiculous. BOO!

I will have to figure out what to do.

Funny, though, because I actually "programmed" my own PHP posting-type-thing back in high school... now we're on HTML5 and I'm sure a 6 year old could hack the thing I made (if I could even find it...)

booooo blogger.

Also LOST is amazing as ever.

That's it for now. Really I just came here to post that worm thing.

CHECK IT OUT!

WormSpit.com

Labels: obsession, science, the internet

We all know I have a tendency to become obsessed with things.

Here's a new one.



Dear god.

I have always been a fan of Kool Keith (or "Special Keith" as some confused baby boomers are prone to call him) but I watched the "Livin' Astro" video again yesterday for the first time in about 4 years and fell in love with it.

Sigh.



I guess I first saw it in fall of 2005 on GTV, which I will admit to watching. I will also admit to hosting a show on GTV, but that's as far as I will go.

So, technically I can say that I fit into the following categories:

* Award winning writer
* Published photographer
* Museum-featured artist
* Former TV show host

On top of many other things.

Or alongside of them.

Whatever.

all of A sudden is the proper way to write it. I have been wrong for YEARS, thinking it was "all of the sudden." I can't tell you what an idiot I feel like for this. I can't even begin to bring it up.

Also, the other day...
this is getting a bit personal, OH NO! ... Well, the other day, J apologized. I'm not going to say for what, but the fact of the matter is that I had been waiting for J to apologize for 7 weeks, and a couple of days ago he finally did.

Now, I had been waiting and waiting and expecting and HOPING that the moment J expressed his remorse would come along, but when it finally did, something interesting struck me.

Everything that he was going to say I already knew.

Seeing as we had not discussed the incident, I can't say how I knew it... people often assume things and most likely they are wrong. I guess I thought about it and thought about it and thought about it and came to my assumption which turned out to be right. And though I think the old me would have been ready to rub his face in it, would have preferred he lick my boots in addition to saying he was sorry, would have laughed as he groveled at my feet... well, the present me just felt sorry for him. I mean, getting to the root of the issue, I realized that his problem was his inability to react to things as a mature adult. He had felt uneasy the entire time about it whereas I was able to get over it after a very short time.

I felt horrible to think that two people could go through the same experience and come out of it so differently. I mean, I'm sure he wasn't agonizing over it, but the depth of his apology to me was so genuinely heartbreaking I fear that it was almost as bad.

What really struck me about the situation was this: J caused me to suffer, so in the past I would have wanted to see him suffer. BUT when faced with the actual front of his suffering, I realized that he had already suffered much more than I had as a result of his actions, and whatever petty need for revenge I'd had was long gone. I just wanted him to be my friend again.

So, I accepted his apology, I halted his pathetic pleas for forgiveness, and I told him it was alright, to stop fretting.

Anyway.

I guess my ultimate point is this.

There is something that I know the old me would have done. The bad me. The hateful, mean me. And I couldn't do it.

So many times when confronted with a situation, I have thought to myself...

A) This thing is bad but it's the only thing I can do.
B) This thing is bad, and I know I should do the good thing, but I'll do the bad thing anyway.
C) I want do to the bad thing, but I know I should do the good thing, so I'll pretend to be good even though I really don't want to.

This occasion brought me face-to-face with a new course of action.

D) In the past I may have wanted to do the bad thing, but now I can't bear the thought of it, so I must, i WANT to do the good thing. It's the only thing.

Result:

I am "getting better, becoming human".

Becoming a decent human at least. There are plenty of humans out there who are juvenile and oblivious and all the more unhappy because of it.

And I guess I'm not unhappy.
Saying so is really a giant leap for me.

In other news, some friends and I were going to go see The Goonies at Market Square in Knoxville this evening, but it ended up storming like crazy, so I stayed in and did artwork.

Soo, that brings us to the Friday Night Art Roundup!

If I wasn't super lazy, I would make a cool graphic for that. Who knows, maybe I will later!
(ha yeah right)

Anyway, here's what we've got:


First was the top left, then the bottom left, then the top right, and finally the bottom right.

The bottom right is very different from the other three, obviously, though you can still see some light dripage in the middle.

Anyway, I am pleased with the one on the top right less than I am with the other three, but oh well.

I think the one on the bottom right is interesting because it's obviously very intricate and took me longer to complete than all the other three (plus cleanup & setup time) put together.
Anyway, what's interesting is that I didn't notice while I was painting it, but am noticing now, 4 feet away, the lines through the bumps on the "enclosures" around the shape. If you look where the encircling lines go down (especially around the middle part of the right side) you notice some non-lines are formed in the pattern just by the shape of the painted lines. It's hard to explain, and if you can't see it already, it's probably not worth it to you or me to continue explaining.

Anyway, it is interesting, was unexpected, and like I said, I didn't even see it until after I was finished.

Another "discovery" that I will try to put to more use at a later date.

Sigh.

Wish I could sleep. Apparently I don't have any desire to stop writing.

It's been a long day, filled with terrible dreams about monsters and conspiracy.

And then some painting and some music and I'm feeling better now. But not tired, not tired at all.

Oy.

Well, I guess that's it for now. I'm out. PEACE!

Labels: art, knoxville, life, mental illness, music, obsession, people, rambling, relationships, self-improvement

For those who DON’T know, lately I’ve been obsessed with Twitter. I’m going to be unique here and not immediately link to my twitter page. Note that I said “not immediately”, not “not at all”. So, if you pay attention you may find yourself with a link to my twitter page staring you in the face. This will be the moment of ultimate truth and choice: Knowing what you know about me and having read what you will have read, will you choose to follow me? Will you even have the courage to click the link?

There is a possibility that the things you may see on my Twitter page may shock or even offend you. Or, more likely, they will simply bore you and not have much of a real effect on you and/or your perception of me.

It’s hard think about the duality of having a blog when I also have a twitter persona. If one of my twitter followers starts to read my blog, will it be easy for them to recognize that it’s the same person writing?

Do I want them to? That is a question I am not ready to answer. One thing I can acknowledge, however, is that due to Twitter’s 140-character-per-tweet constraint, my “writing” there varies greatly from the what I post on Audrizzle. Another thing that concerns me is the issue of “followers”, who can be very fickle. It often feels like a high school popularity contest, who can get the most followers.

If you don’t know how Twitter works, I’ll tell you (and I wish you luck finding a new home that isn’t under a rock). It’s “microblogging”. When microblogging, u make posts (as 1 would on a blog), but “tweeting” is “micro” because ur posts can be no more than 140 characters long.

Note that the previous sentence was exactly 140 characters long. I did that to give you a general idea of just how “micro” you are required to be when tweeting, and how it’s difficult to get across a point without using the teenage-girl abbreviations (“you” becomes “u”, “your” OR “you’re” is “ur”, “between” changes to “bt”, etc.). I often find it difficult to choose what to abbreviate. As despicable as I find it to abridge the words in the style of tween text messages, I think it’s more respectable to do this than to leave out punctuation. At least the words come through somewhat comprehensible, and the punctuation proves that I’m not a total idiot. Not that bad punctuation necessarily makes one an idiot, but I am a total grammar nazi.

I call this type of lingo “Twittar” – like “grammar”, get it? I originally coined this term on Feb. 3, 2009 - so unless someone can find a legitimate earlier creation the term with this meaning, I get all the credit. Sure, “twittar” is used in other contexts, but I think the definition I have chosen for it is the clear winner. Winnar? Bad joke.

Another aspect of Twitter is "following". If you like a person's posts, you can follow them and you will see every post they make on your home page. Often, if one person is notified that another person is following them, the first person will "follow back", which I see as a sign of respect.

Also, something else has been on my mind: the uniqueness of my sense of humor (using the word "unique" is being nice). For example, see Anti-Humor.

Personally, I think that I am hilarious. I crack myself up on a constant basis. Not just things that I say (or, more frequently, write) but some of the things I see, and my perceptions of them.

Now, this shouldn’t really be a problem, but another thing is that I become obsessed with these things easily. I become obsessed with a lot of things in general, actually. I always have. As a nerdy example, in middle school I used to have a crush on one of my teachers, and I talked about him constantly. It was so frequent (and annoying, which I didn’t see) that it got to the point where one girl who sat at my lunch table threatened to talk to the school counselor about it if I wouldn’t change the subject. This was a very frightening proposition (in fact, my fear of this became an obsession), so I was able to cool it down a bit – at the lunch table at least.

My obsession with certain things that I find funny can end up driving people crazy. Mostly because the things I find funny other people don’t enjoy as much, if they see the humor at all. I talk endlessly about something I think is funny, and if people don’t laugh I point out that they SHOULD be laughing, and they often disagree. Which I have learned to accept more, my thought process being “Well so what… if they don’t enjoy it, they’re having a boring life, I would never want to live like that, unable to find not only the mild humor, but the absolute hilarity in everyday life.” Though I still push people to find amusement in the things I think are a riot.

Here’s something I posted a while ago on a different blog that no one else was amused by to the extent that I was. Even if you think the writing is funny, I don’t know if you will find the subject itself as absolutely outrageous as I did.

also, on this video there is a comment simply:

what a cool lizard.

And someone gave that comment a thumbs up. How awesome! It's so simplistic and ... i want to say, naive? It reminds me of the way the guy painted in "Art School Confidential" and someone said he painted like he'd never seen a painting before. I don't know, shit like this i get obsessed with.

what a cool lizard.

Brilliant! And I can't say how much it means to me that the first letter isn't capitalized. But they put a period at the end of the sentence anyway. How perfect is that? Incredible!

what a cool lizard.

The comment is one thing but the fact that someone else gave it a thumbs up is what really gets me. So many youtube viewers ignore the comments and will make their own despite whether or not the same thing has been said 8 times before that. Sometimes it's hard not to.
But someone went over the comments, saw that and thought "Wow, good point, Steelyking6725, I agree. Thumbs up!" and didn't make a similar post. All the other posts are about the rat/eating process itself.

what a cool lizard.

I cannot say how much this excites me! Someone actually posted about the lizard, and shouldn't that be what it's all about? THE FUCKING LIZARD!
This is such a philosophical mindfuck. A statement about modern man. A timeless look into the mind of "the fool."
SERIOUSLY PEOPLE.

what a cool lizard.

-----
side note, DANKisallweneed commented

“yeah dead rat pretty gross...that monitor looks a little blazed to me hook him up with a drink KOTTONMOUTH is the worst...BLAZE ON"

which i thought was hilarious. laugh out loud hilarious. Not just LOL, but Laugh Out Loud. I just picture this total pothead (DANK or "Dan K" as I will imagine him to be called) hanging out with this lizard being like "dude.... what if we give the lizard some pot? let's smoke him out... oh shit yo he's thirsty, let's hook him up with a drink... Kottonmouth sucks, yo. man i am so BLAZED rite now dude"
hahahahaha SO HILARIOUS!
Also at the hospital toda--yesterday, someone accidentally (staff) set some popcorn on fire in the microwave and so there was burnt popcorn smell all over the ward, and at one point they were trying to air it out so they opened up the doors but they were saying they were worried about someone trying to leave... While they were in the nurse's station discussing this i was passing by and noticed and thought it would be funny for me to pretend to make an escape.
So i went back to my room, set down my notebook, and came charging down the hall, They didn't see me until right before I got to the door so I had to stop very quickly.
They all FREAKED OUT even after I had stopped, put up my hands, and told them it was a joke. I thought it was hilarious, they were all probably having heart attacks and I just could not stop cracking up. I thought it was fucking great! I guess maybe they would have found it more entertaining if they had known me for more than 2 days and gotten to understand my sense of humor, but unfortunately that was not the case.
Unfortunately for comedic effect. FORTUNATELY FOR ME, HAH!
Still, though, I thought it was a riot!
"dude, let's give the lizard some weed, seriously."
hahahaha

Now you see the reason I don't link to that blog. It's ridiculous, it would annoy the crap out of you, and I don't even follow my own "proper grammar at any cost" principle.
I won't link to that blog, but as promised (well, not as promised, per se, but as hinted at), here be a link to my twitter.

Enjoy, and I'll see you all later!

Labels: crushes, humor, middle school, obsession, Twitter, youtube comments